Hey Asshole… You broke Battle Rap

I remember 7^th Grade. Margaret Spellacy. Bathroom battle. The crowd grows. I Beat Box as my boy rips apart some dude that we knew could rhyme but was clearly having difficulty not being nervous. The battle encompassed everything important to 7^th and 8^th graders:

- Your girls are ugly!

- Your breath stinks!

- Your rhymes suck!
- You get no play!

- Your gear is busted!

You know the routine. So as the battle comes to a lopsided end three 8^th Graders arrive at the bathroom door. The one in the middle wants to battle. Yeah, these cats were being real obnoxious about the shit. Dude says “Which one of yall battling?…. I’ll battle ANYBODY!” My boy is like “Me… whats up!” *My crew was like that…. ‘Fuckit lets rock’*

So my man broke into a rhyme about how our crew was the best and how we could Break. Afterwards the crowd was like “Yeahh”. Then son on the right starts Beat Boxing like he was having spasms. What followed was life altering.

“My name is [Don’t remember], mothafuckas don’t know……… and filth flarn, filth flarn, filth filth filth!”

Now you have to understand, at the time, MCs cursing was few and far between. It was the first time I had seen anybody bust a rap with that much “Fuck You” in it… in real life. From the probably 12 people that were there, people for the most part didn’t know how to take it. Every just kinda dispersed. Shocked.

I bring this story up for one reason and one reason only. Its 2008 and I’m still confused and shocked about what a lot of these battler say and do at show time.

If you’ve read anything I’ve written on this site, then you know I’ve long declared the battle rap dead. Not that there’s not still some clever cats out there. There are. But the game is different, the content is uninteresting and no one with real skill at it really wants to take a chance at losing anymore. Now let’s examine my 3 points.

The Game is Different

When battling was thriving, people generally did it for pride. You wanted to knock “That Dude” off the top. When the war started you knew everything down to how many dudes your opponent’s sister was rumored to have slept with. Known Fact: Every Battler’s mom is a hoe. Bet you didn’t know that. Well, today, the battle is more about personal tough guy affirmations. It’s a chance to prove how real you are.

The Content is Uninteresting

Nowadays, battling boils down to 2 variables. “I’ll beat yo ass” and the ever popular “I’ll shoot yo ass”. Don’t believe me. Mosy on over to Youtube and henpeck “Battle” into the search bar. See if you don’t get barraged with “You a bitch, I’ll beat the life outta you” and “My guns make ya brains look like pizza toppings.”

Too Much to Lose

What makes this interesting is that the “At Risk” variable isn’t the same across the board. Lets look at the infamous “Oh You Mad Cuz I’m Stylin on You” battle. Neither guy was saying much of anything. “Murder Death Kill” and the like. The one guy has a “You humped my sister” look about him. To these guys, Hood Cred is on the line. Excuse me? What was that? Oh What can Hood Cred buy at Jacobs? Uhhh Not A Damn but it sure can get you stole on.

Lets slide on over to everybody’s acapella visionary and wunderkind Cassidy and his video documented battle negotiation/diss fest with another Philly cat named Murder Mook. Here we have one major label rapper being called out by a hood legend (?). Cassidy made his bones battling dudes. He even notoriously gave Rockafella’s Freeway a “BetterLuckNextTime” Sandwich. But now it’s a new day. Cass responded to the battle request by demanding that these (more than likely) block hustlers put up hundreds of thousands of dollars for the opportunity. Like Really! These days, the unsaid rule of the game is, You get beat by some no name… your rap career is done. So these days, Cass prices his battles outside the range of anybody except Will Smith. It’s a highly strategic move. I also suppose it prevents him from getting his clock cleaned by some bummy dude that rolled up on a bike.

So all said and done, who’s responsible for killing the battle rap?

You tell me…